Monday, May 24, 2010
Moment 1-Name Changing
I was just reading the beginning of Chapter 5 where Wood talks about women changing their names after getting married (121). I was watching "The Marriage Ref" last Thursday and one of the arguments shown between a couple was the wife not wanting to change her last name. I was excited and interested that she would show this independence, but her reason was to maintain her recognition as a radio personality. She did not want her fans to be confused by her new last name. I was slightly saddened because I wanted her to be doing it out of pride for herself. I myself, when I get married, plan to hyphenate my last name. My girlfriend and I have talked about it (yes I know it's very early :-) ) and she would also hyphenate her last name. This still shows my familial pride as well as my commitment to my spouse. I understood the husband's feelings of rejection and frustration on the show as he had assumed that she would change her name. I do not think men should feel that way simply because it is a tradition. It seems like changing her name makes her almost like his property. It is also almost like rejection of her family. I understand that the hyphenation for couples with children who then get married could get long and confusing but I don't want to get rid of my father's name simply because it's easier.
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I found this post to be very interesting. My dad sent me a random text the other day asking me if I was going to change my last name to my fiancé’s last name or hyphenate my name. Without hesitation I responded change it. I started to think a lot about that actually. I wanted to think of reasons why I would or why I wouldn’t. The reason you stated in your blog about the radio personality not wanting to change her name due to her fan base, I feel is actually a reasonable answer. Think about high profile doctors, or lawyers, or business people. They work very hard at what they do and to maintain a reputation. They get recognition and become known and establish an identity. I’m not saying getting married is not something to be proud of. However, she in that case, is already proud of herself and her accomplishments and would like to keep that going. Maybe even keep her personal and private life separate. In my situation, I would love to keep my last name. My last name went through a lot. My dad’s parents were survivors of the holocaust and there are not that many of us. My brother is the only one to carry it out. However, in old school traditions where the woman takes the man’s last name I like too. I do think there are other ways to honor the family. For my fiancé and I, we came to a great idea that satisfies us and brings honor to our families at the same time. My last name is Brod. (It will eventually be Smith) His mother’s maiden name is Jackson. We decided that when we have children, we would like to name our boys, Brody and Jackson. We love the names and it honors our families in a different way. Obviously people need to communicate and work out what is best for them. Communication is the foundation of a successful relationship. (good example!!!!)
ReplyDeleteI completely understand women who keep their last name for professional reasons. The show also had Kelly Ripa on it, whose last name was actually changed to Consuelos when she got married, so her legal name is different than what she goes by professionally. I love the idea of adapting last names into first names, especially in the case where the woman changes hers. I also think some last names are harder to work with, but yours gives great names :-) And Congratulations!!!
ReplyDeleteActually, to me, it’s more understandable if a wife did not want to change her last name because she wanted to maintain her recognition in her profession, then it would be simply because she wanted to demonstrate her independence. I think I would change my last name if I got married and knew I wanted children. If I decided not to have children, then maybe I will consider keeping my last name. But I don’t think a woman should feel like she is losing her identity or feel like property because she takes her husband’s name. I had a friend who’s last name was different then her mother’s and every time her mother came to pick her up at school, the office would always refer to the mother as Mrs. Logan, which was my friend’s last name. My friend hated it, but her mother understood and never corrected them. I just think it could be frustrating on the children.
ReplyDeleteBeing in the legal field, I have found that it is common for many female attorneys to maintain their maiden name for professional reasons. I think that if I had established a successful career prior to marrying, I would probably maintain my maiden name.
ReplyDeleteWhen my father asked me if I would change my name when I get married, I also did not hesitate to answer yes. I suppose I am succumbing to traditional patrilineage.
I did want to share with you that last week, I had to call and pay a bill for my fiancee. When I gave the account representative the account information, she immediately called me Mrs. Farrington (my fiancee's last name). I didn't bother to explain to her that we are not in fact married yet but it is very interesting that most assume that women who marry do change their last names.