So buzz, i know you were wondering if I was gonna have that big freakout so I guess this identity thing is it. But I don't think its really a freakout anymore. Its an exploration, a long journey and I hope you're along for the ride. I love you.

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Mom might take me for a haircut in the morning. Not sure how short to get it, want to be short but not sure what shell say. While looking for pics of haircuts I found this great site/ forum with androgynous, trans, and asexual people. They were talking about a lot of things like swimming and clothes and being mistaken for the opposite sex and it was so interesting and I felt like I could relate. I read a lot and just registered, maybe ill say hi tomorrow. Got a new sports bra today too. It doesn't fully hide them but its not bad. Maybe one day if I have money and still want to ill get a binder. Still thinking about who I am. I know I'm not a guy. I dont want to be either. But I wouldn't mind passing for one most of the time. When I'm naked, I'm comfortable with myself. I don't want to change anything. And its not that I care what people think, its just the way I want to express myself I think. And I'm ok with that. So I guess that's bedtime on a happy note :-)

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Its christmas eve, im watching miracle on 34th street even tho I should be sleeping. Had a long talk with Buzz about religion, among other things, last night that as somewhat unsettling because I felt uncertain about myself and my beliefs, but I woke up today feeling great. It felt like a good day but those usually have a bad moment. Went to the Unitarian church and all of its pc made me miss Jesus as the Saviour so I asked mom to go to church with me and we went to a late service at the Presbyterian church up the street. It was an odd service but it felt great. I was so moved by O Come All Ye Faithful. Anyway, just wanted to note how much I needed to go to church and how good I feel since we went. I feel a renewed sense of faith. Merry Christmas and good night.

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We won. Wish I had done something to help. But a week and 60 days from now we should be free to serve. Still so much needed, but this step is huge. As Craig would say, its a great day for America.

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Finally home :-) crazy day tomorrow, cant believe I forgot my toothpaste.

DADT vote tomorrow. So nervous, this needs to happen, now.

Not too much else to say. Tired and that car ride started to make me sick so its bed time

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Spent way too long on that study guide but its my last final so whatever. Buzz said the m word today which always makes me so excited but I tried not to think too much about it like I always do. Dont know why its such a big deal to me since I never planned to even when I thought I was straight. Strange how much one person can really do to you. Somehow managed to get an a in music history although I think I did pretty bad on that final today. Will check again in a week and make sure grade stays.

Sad Buzz has to work for christmas with moms family. Its easier to interact in a house than at a restaurant so she would definitely meet more of them. I can even picture it because I know shell fit right in. Wondering what my motive is on this. Want to show family were serious, flaunt my amazing girlfriend, really do want her to be welcomed in, even though everyones been great so far. Just want her to get the full experience. I think were a pretty close family even though I dont know too much about anyone, they still mean so much.
Hopefully shell make Winterfest.

Enough ramblings. Bed time. Slightly stressful but good enough day.

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Just getting ready for bed. Later than I hoped but so much better than the past couple days. Pretty good day, totally beasted history exam. Kinda freaked about music history tomorrow, last real stress for now, although I still have to write my proposal for my senior project. Just hope to get some good sleep for tomorrow but still wake up, lot more studying to do. Hope Buzzs test goes well tomorrow. Love her.

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